Husband not validating feelings
, which substitutes the approval of others for the empowering motivation to heal and improve oneself.If you think that validation is what you need, you will try to get someone to confirm that your pain is .evacuating the premises, calling the fire deparment) you are, in a sense, validating the smoke alarm: you're acknowledging the signal it's sending, and you're responding to the message conveyed by the signal ("fire, fire! Especially because no one in my life did validate my feelings!I have turned to support groups on Facebook where for the first time in my life I have found a plethora of validation, understanding & compassion!If someone hesitates to validate your pain, you are likely to make greater effort to express and justify it and thereby increase its intensity and duration.Failure of others to validate the hurt of those who think they need validation feels like the cruelest kind of abuse." In its most tragic form, the increasing need for validation from those with decreasing capacity to give it keeps people locked in bad and abusive relationships.The parties feel like they can't be okay until their partners "get" how bad they feel.
But, by you taking its beeping seriously (stopping whatever you're doing--so: altering your behavior in response to the message you're receiving--listening to the message it's sending, and acting accordingly--i.e. But I completely disagree that needing "someone to confirm that your pain is justified, only keeps you hyper-focused on the pain." For me, self cutting has often been a way to prove to myself that my pain was real! I was so numb & I needed to be able to feel something!Finally, the smoke alarm: Actually, one does validate the smoke alarm.You acknowledge it and take the weight of its message upon yourself prior to acting to evacuate the building or put out the fire.Now, you may proceed to ameliorate it..." In validating another's pain, you are acknowledging that they're suffering is worth taking the steps to alleviate. It is one more indicator of how we as humans need contact, connection, and mutual understanding in order to heal--and to function at our highest capacity.
Certainly, some people need more validation than others in order to feel empowered enough to alter their painful situations...
It just may be that some can validate themselves without external input more efficiently (and covertly) than others.